Part of the meaning of "vacation" is that there's no work involved. So imagine my surprise when an owl found my cruise ship in the middle of the ocean with the latest assignment. To add even more salt to my wound, I've seen more fashion disasters here than in our beloved Common Room. It appears as if the fates brought me on board for a very specific reason.
1. Cruises are not your Titanic reenactment.
I honestly don't care how good the movie was and how much your heart wept for the love between Rose and Jack that would've flourished had there been more room on that little raft. The flowing white gowns in the wind? Definitely a last season statement and I know that we can do so much better than that. If anything should be flowing in the wind it should be flowers, and I'm not saying to make those flower crowns because that is just as old. Why don't we all do the "green" thing and just grow small gardens out of our hair? Cake in some dirt, allow the rain and humidity to help keep the plant hydrated, then the sunlight you're exposed to throughout the day will also give the plant what it needs. That way you not only smell amazing but you're also leaving a wake of flowers.
2. Swimsuits are not your underwear and shouldn't be bland.
No solid colors. No leopard print. You gotta make these pop and stand out against the crowd. Part of the fashion world is to not only judge the styles you don't like but also appreciate the styles that you do enjoy. A perfect swimsuit should be one that's covered with rhinestones, all shimmering against the open sun beating down from the sky. It might blind some people but if rock brilliance just right that's going to blind them anyways.
3. Sandles with socks are a big no. Especially near water.
After so long of being the most fashionable person in the world you'd think that this piece of advice would be a given and not something that needs to be repeated. Imagine my surprise when I dug through my bag in order to pull out a bottle of sunscreen, because despite being complimentary colors I'm not coming back tanned a cherry red, and seeing this monstrosity to the eyes. The stuff made of nightmares, I know!A big no-no, and I promise on my favorite pair of boots that if I find out anyone in this great House is committing this fashion sin I'm going to throw every pair of socks I can find into the Great Lake.
With all of this being said, I'm going to return to a nice and healthy dose of Vitamin D. Please do not send me any owls as I would like to enjoy the rest of my vacation in peace. Thank you very much!