You know what, my wonderful SOUP readers? After the month I have had, I can categorically say that if I hear anyone utter the word "Pirate" anywhere near me in the next year, I am going to shove a stuffed parrot up their unwilling behind! Don't get me wrong, the idea the Editors came up with sounded really entertaining... at first. But as per darn usual, the more immature members of the SOUP office decided to use it as an excuse to yet again drown my office with sand, alarmingly heavy chests full of god knows what and more than a few exotic birds who left their deposits all over my brand new chair. Needless to say, I was less than impressed.
The only relief was the trips I managed to take to visit Momma Fox and the Bones brothers. Even my home life was not calm, as somehow Tabitha had been made aware of the chaos in the office, most likely by Kalina, I suspect. They both subjected me to several disgusting eel and squid-based dinners I hope never to have to try again. So with that in mind, it was with some trepidation that I had tripped my way down the cobbles of Ottery St Catchpole to Momma Fox's cottage. Everything in me crossed that she had managed to find a recipe that would not make me want to turn tail and run faster than a terrified mooncalf.
I should not have doubted the pocket-sized miracle, though. Once I was finally settled in her cavernous kitchen, she had beamed happily at me. To quote her words exactly, "Oh come now, Child. There is no need at all to look like you're facing a grumpy Graphorn. I found just the thing to lift your spirits. It's actually a family recipe that must be over two hundred years old by now. It's from my mother's great, great, great grandmother, if I remember rightly. She used to make it for her husband before he went away to sail for the Navy every few months. He may not have been of those nefarious sea barbarians you said you wanted to write about, but it is close enough, I think. So grab your wand, and let's get to work."
Now, as you know, lovely readers, this journalist is not usually an idiot. So taking the worn parchment from her gnarled hands, I had rolled up my sleeves and quickly got to work digging the beef out of Momma Fox's muggle freezer so we could get started on this delicious Sailor Jerky.
Ingredients:
2.5lbs [1.2 kg] beef top round, fat trimmed
3 and 3/4 tsp sea salt
1 tsp Basic Garlic Powder
1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper
1/2 tsp smoked paprika or 1 tsp paprika
Directions:
1. Put the beef in the freezer for about 1 hour until it is firm but not rigid. This will facilitate slicing the meat thinly. Cut the meat diagonally across the grain into one eight of an inch [3mm] slices. You can use a gentle, 30-second burst of the Glacius Charm for this if you are short of time.
2. In a large bowl, stir together the salt, pepper, garlic powder, and paprika. Toss the beef slices with the salt mixture, making sure to separate the slices so the seasoning gets evenly distributed. Cover and refrigerate overnight.
3. Line your muggle dehydrator trays with nonstick mesh sheets that have been lightly coated with cooking oil.
4. Lay out the beef slices flat on the prepared trays. Dry at 160° to 165°F [71° to 74°C] for 3 to 5 hours until evenly darkened, completely matte, and stiffened but still a bit pliable. (A cooled slice of jerky should crack when bent but should not break.) Flip the strips once and rotate the trays once or twice during drying.
5. You can also use a modified version of the Drought Spell for this. Just make sure to keep your wand at least 8 inches above the meat to avoid overdrying. It should take roughly 5-10 minutes to successfully dehydrate all the meat.
6. If using one, remove from the dehydrator and wrap the jerky slices in paper towels to absorb any excess fat. Let cool completely.
7. Store the fresh jerky in an airtight container, preferably with a silica gel packet to extend freshness, in a dark place at room temperature for up to 1 week, in the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks, or in the freezer for up to 6 months.
While this recipe was time-consuming, and I ended up spending the night on Momma Fox's spare guest bed, I would not have changed that visit for anything. It was exactly what I needed to rest and recharge my physical and mental batteries. Momma Fox was a wonderfully gracious host, and I strongly suspect she quite enjoyed having a younger person in the house to fuss over. By the end of this trip, I not only had a large box of delicious jerky to take home, but I also had a deeper understanding of the national treasure I got to call my friend.
So until next time, my fellow chefs-in-training, happy cooking and live well! - Nikita