As I was devouring some healthy (but not so delicious) food I'd made, an owl came swooping in. It was from the beloved SOUP editors! My eyes darted back and forth, reading the letter. I just could not believe it. They chose food and feasts! Who could've imagined that? Unfortunately, Aditya was gonna be out of the country this whole month, so he asked me to take over. That's right! This article, even this paragraph, isn't written by Aditya; it's written by the great I'd-rather-not-disclose-my-name.
So, I wondered, what could I possibly choose for this fabulous theme? Fabulous potions, of course! But then, what fabulous potions? What fabulous potions were there that could tie into a theme of feasts? It all just seemed so perplexing! But then, I had an epiphany: there are no fabulous potions regarding feasts and food. So I decided to sit down and think.
Well, I'm not gonna rant anymore, so I'm just gonna start with a simple potion: the stomach pain potion. There's no official name for this potion; I mean, you can go to buy this potion, and the only thing that's written on this bottle is "Stomach Pain Potion". "Simply Generic" is the name of the company that manufactures these potions. Anyway, so this potion just solves your stomach pain. Ate a little too much at the feast? Perhaps your friend was having a food fight, and you opened your mouth at many wrong moments, and you had many foods in your mouth that you didn't want. Well, no worries 'cause "Stomach Pain Potion" is right here. Just grab a bottle, pour 3 tablespoons of it into a glass of water, and drink that. This is a pretty easy potion to understand. Do not have much to explain here, do I? Do I? Argh, I'm so lonely in my office that nobody even replies to me
Moving on, we have the "Fast Digestion Potion", again manufactured by Simply Generic. And, again, this potion does as it is named: it speeds up your digestion so you can proceed to eat some more later on or simply jump into the water to flail your arms and legs about. What this potion exactly does, I have no idea, but I believe it just quickens the secretion and enzymes and other Muggle-foolery and whatnot. Just grab a bottle, and follow the rest of the steps I stated out for the "Stomach Pain Potion".
Now, I don't know 'bout you, but I sometimes feel the need to not eat. For example, just a few days ago, Aditya and I invited some friends over for a small party; we had everything ready and prepared, and nobody turned up. I'm not gonna tell you the reason, but they were some backstabbing friends. So, I scarfed down all the food in one night, one afternoon, and one morning even when Aditya told me not to. So, that was the day I realised that we human beings desperately needed some potion to control our monstrous eating desires, and at feasts, those desires are known to be at their peak. So, I invented a new potion that day! You can go and check it out in Blafferfefelf's Apothecary in Diagon Alley; it's called "Suppress Eating Desires Potion". This potion just reduces your appetite to eat anything, even a juicy-looking chicken.
So, dear readers, I must tell you that this was a difficult article to write. Most of the time, I was either running my mouth on food or just looking at pictures of them with the excuse of researching them. You should definitely give the above-mentioned potions a try, especially the "Suppress Eating Desires Potion'. Aaaand, I'd-rather-not-disclose-my-name is gonna be out for this issue. Goodbye to you all!