Ah, the Hogwarts Express. The long train ride to and from Hogwarts that students always look forward to. But what can you possibly rant about if it is so great, you must be wondering?
That question, my dear readers, has a very simple answer.
The Trolley Witch.
And I know what you must be thinking. How can the Trolley Witch be ranted about? She is only the best part of the train ride, filling all of the students with their favorite wizarding candies.
And that is exactly the problem! What about the Muggleborns?!? I had been so excited about going to Hogwarts for the first time. I remember trying a bunch of wizarding candies like Chocolate Frogs and Cauldron Cakes on the way to the school. They were so good, and I was happy to find they were often found throughout the school year from parents sending their children care-packages.
And then October hit, and I had such a craving for M&Ms. So, I wrote to my parents. I knew better than to expect anything though, health freaks that they are and was not surprised when I got a note back telling me to try some carrots instead since the M&Ms would rot my teeth and brain out. What am I Bugs Bunny? I thought eh, at least I would be able to sneak out during Christmas Break and go to the store near our house to get some.
My plan failed. I ended up staying at the castle since dad had a business meeting out of the country and mom went with him. I was then craving both M&Ms and 3 Musketeers Bars. Does the torment never end?
Apparently not because as January stretched to February and February to March my cravings just got stronger and stronger and I wanted my candy more and more. My eye developed a twitch trying to curb my craving with anything and it just WASN'T WORKING!
Finally, June arrived and it was time to board the Hogwarts Express to go home. Finally, I would find the Trolley Witch and be able to get my candy and curb my cravings.
"Three 3 Musketeers Bars and 4 bags of M&Ms please," I had added on after I asked for some wizarding candy. Just 'cause I was planning on eating the bars and M&Ms now didn't mean I couldn't save the rest for later.
But then I heard the worst possible words that could possibly come from her mouth in this situation.
"What are those?"
What are those? What are those, she asked me. Here I was, craving the candy for months, and she didn’t even know what they were. I just… how can you not know what those little pieces of heaven are! And then I asked about a few of my other favorite Muggle snacks like Cookie Dough Bites, only to receive the same results.
I think I died a little on the inside on that day. Readers, don't be fooled by the Trolley Witch's friendly face. She is pure evil that needs to be exterminated so that we can get all the different types of candy on the Hogwarts Express.
Until then, Muggleborns, I suggest you take a note out of my book. After my first year, I bought a second trunk. Both came to Hogwarts with me. The first contained my school supplies. The second was filled to the brim with my favorite Muggle candy. And I was sure to never buy from the evil Trolley Witch again. That doesn't mean I wasn't above giving my friend Galleons to buy me candy. The candy was great and why would I deprive myself of that because the Witch was Wicked and withholding my favorite candies?
I seem to be craving some M&Ms now, so I am going to go hunt down some since that Witch is still completely unreliable. How hard it is to get some, I mean doesn't she have magic?
Well, it's M&M hunting time.