Chatting with Sir Patrick
By James Rowle XI
Here I was once more thinking on whom to interview. I'm going to be honest with you all, I normally leave this whole thing to the last minute. The adoring fans need their autographs, and the crowds need their entertainment. You all understand right? I'm just way too busy to do this articles on time, let alone early. Anyway, I was determined to do better this month after last months horror interview with Goyle. Even I can't make excuses for the tragedy that was that article.
This month was the extremely interesting topic of the Day of the Dead. It sounds appropriately gruesome for a Slytherin magazine. Obviously me next interviewee should be dead, that should fill the theme quota for the month. The question was which dead person? I could have intervieweed the Bloody Baron but I feel you deserve someone a slight bit more talkative after last month. Next on my possibility list was Moaning Myrtle, yet I feel if she could not resist Harry Potters charm, then she would struggle to answer questions whilst in my godly presence. Third on the list of possible candidates was Peeves. Unfortunately, I'm unsure if he technically counts as being dead? So I finally settled on the one, the only, Sir Patrick Delaney-Podmore
Yes, Sir Patrick, leader of the Headless Hunt. Not much is known about this intriguing fellow other then the fact that he is properly decapitated (Thank you Sir Nicholas) and is most likely a fan of Horseback Head-Juggling. Do not fear loyal readers, I shall find out more about this individual.
Q – Question
A – Answer
Q – Good evening Sir Patrick, thank you for agreeing to this interview.
A – It was my pleasure Mr Rowle. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised to be asked for this interview. Most people always want to talk to Sir Nicholas because he is "nearly headless". I swear, his head is still attached by at least an inch of skin. Nowhere near headless if you ask me.
[During this comment he made air quotations with his fingers around the nearly headless part. This caused his head to wobble dangerously.]
Q – Yes, enough about Nick. Let's talk about you and your decapitated head. No one seems to know exactly how you became headless. Any chance we can get the story?
A – Hahaha, yes, I suppose it's about time everyone learns. It's a very silly story. I was a member of the Royal British Navy. One night I'm in the deep bowels of the ship, middle of the night you see, and I was mightily hungry. It was obviously time for a midnight snack. So I snuck down to the galley (Ships kitchen) in my search for food. There I was, in the kitchen, and I found the most sullucent, juicy, roast chicken. It was just sitting there on the counter, fresh out the oven.
[I just had to interrupt him here.]
Q – Fresh out the oven in the middle of the night?
A – Ah yes, it turns out my commanding officers had a liking for midnight snacks as well. The chef had stepped out for just a moment to take a quick smoke. I knew nothing but the best blade should cut into this feast. So I pulled out my navy sword, and lined it up. When bump! The whole ship was pushed to the side and my sword went flying, right past my head and into the oven.
[Once more I had to interrupt.]
Q – Past your head? It didn't decapitate you? I thought you were telling the story of your decapitation?
A – Yes, yes, this is the story of my decapitation. I was just building suspense. Here I was, without my sword, wondering if we were under attack. Quickly, I rushed onto the decks, still dismayed at my lack of feast. There it was, a humongous whale, one that could swallow a dragon whole.
[His head bobbed on his body worryingly as he nodded enthusiastically.]
Q – You want me to believe a whale chopped off your head?
A – Dear Merlin No! That would be ridiculous. No, the whale once more rammed into the ship, and I went flying overboard, straight into the water. It was in the water that I saw the beast that brought my demise. It's beady little eyes glowing in the darkness of the ocean around us as it swam evilly towards me. T'was a swordfish, and a big one at that. The rest is history, the swordfish went to live a happy life, and I was a ghost, an automatic member of the Headless Hunt.
[I stared at him in disbelief. All that build-up, all the talk of chicken, the navy, and swords, all to finish with him being killed by a swordfish. It was too outlandish even for me. I decided to ignore it and move to the next line of questioning.]
Q – I hear the Headless Hunt helped defend the castle in the Battle of Hogwarts. As an incorporeal being, how exactly did you help?
[He seems quite flustered.]
A – I admit our part was small, but it was vital. We mainly distracted the enemy by yelling out taunts, and cheered on our side with clever remarks.
Q – Finally, what is your favorite headless activity?
A – Definitely Head Polo.
So that wraps up my interview with the leader of the Headless Horseman. Sir Patrick Delaney-Podmore. I hope this article was more interesting than last, though it shouldn't be much of a competition. We learned the intriguing, and slightly disturbing, story of how he lost his head, and the fact that ghosts can sometimes be more helpful than appearances show. I'll see you next time loyal readers.