I know that Halloween is over and all, but when I saw this month's theme, I just had to take over convince the Editors to let me have a say about Muggle Haunted Houses.
Here's the thing. My mum did the unthinkable and snatched both me and my sister out of Hogwarts for a long weekend this year and then whisked us away to visit our cousins in America. Normally, this is not a big deal, mind you. I got out of both Potions and DADA, and right before a quiz, too, so lucky timing on that one. But being pulled out of school, even for a weekend, is seriously rare and I knew I'd be in for a time of it when we got back.
Pinzilvania - at least, that is what I think my cousin called their part of the country - was really pretty. It was all hilly and all the leaves were turning beautiful colors. We were there for some big extended family celebration or other that had nothing to do with it being Halloween at the end of that weekend. That wasn't the problem. The problem started when my American Muggle-raised cousins thought it would be entertaining to take us to what was billed as "the spookiest, hauntedest house on the East Coast." Honestly, I got really excited. I always love chatting with the Hogwarts ghosts and look forward to the annual Headless Hunt. I've managed to not only amass quite the backstory on all the participants, but they even told me where to meet them to watch the end of the hunt - and I was chuffed about that. So I really wanted to meet some local ghosts and learn their history as well.
However, not only was the "hauntedest" house not haunted at all, but the gory sights and jump-scares were so lame that it was really hard to keep from laughing in the poor Muggles' faces as they tried to make their audience scream and cower with fright. To my intense dismay, many of the Muggles were doing just that. I have to admit, it was pretty funny to watch some pretty big blokes about faint or go green just because someone in makeup did something they didn't expect. But that was about the extent of the fun, really.
So, after I got back to my cousins' house, I sat down and thought about what sorts of non-magic things Muggles could do to really spice up a scare. It was a challenge, as I far prefer magical means, but I did think of three things that might work.
First, fireworks. I don't mean the big, flashy displays high up in the air, either. A judiciously placed Catherine wheel or flash-bangs set off at random intervals will unnerve just about anybody. And what about sparklers in a blackened room? Done right, that should make even me jump.
Next, go back to that black room idea. There's a lot that can be done with black lights, fluorescent paint, and inanimate objects, like balloons, doctored up to appear ghostlike or otherwise spectral, and the air currants will keep their movement random and unexpected. Place them near those fireworks, and there's the added possibility of having them pop, and if you've filled them with water or strips of paper? Even better.
Last, if I were them, I'd go straight to a source. Surely even Muggles have access to ghosts, yeah? They're always having seances and ghost hunters and stuff. Interview them about the best methods for scaring the living daylights out of people. Better yet, invite them over for a party of their own! I bet an American version of the Headless Hunt would make that the hauntedest house in all of the States!