Dear Pansy
By Pansy Parkinson
Dear Pansy,
My parents decided that they want to take a family trip to this secret Wizard Event in Egypt. It's going to be in the middle of the desert. What the heck is there to do in the middle of the dessert?
Wanderer
Dear Wanderer,
I've never been to Egypt myself, however, from what I hear the sun can be quite bright. The way I see it, pack a swimsuit. No, I wouldn't suggest for you to try to swim in the sand. No. No. Hear me out. TANNING. Yes! What better time to take a little color with some sun. I mean it's not like summer is around the corner. Besides, fake tanning is so expensive. Not that I've tried it...Remember, go for a nice tone. And for Merlin's sake, no, Lobster red is not a nice tone.
xoxo,
Pansy P.
Dear Pansy,
My friends and I went to the beach this past weekend. I got really sunburned. Like, REALLY tomato-lobster-fiery-blood-of-a-muggle burned. What do you recommend for my sensitive skin?
-Don't Touch Me It Burns
Dear Don't Touch Me It Burns,
For starters, no more sun. You would think that would be the obvious first step for some people but you would be surprised. Get some aloe and just bathe in it. You could even try some oatmeal. Personally, they are both too sticky for me. I normally use milk. You could use yogurt, but again that would be sticky. Next time, don't be so irresponsible. Secondly, really? Blood-of-a-muggle red? What are you suggesting your blood is green?!Oh...oh.
xoxo,
Pansy P.
Dear Pansy,
If you could be any Egyptian goddess, which would you be and why? I'm sure there are many to choose from! Personally, I would go for Nut. She is the goddess of the stars and skies. Maybe if I were her I would actually be passing my Astronomy class...
-C's get degrees
Dear C's get Degrees,
I would like to point out that although C's get degrees it does pay to get A's. How else do you expect to beat Gryffindor and Ravenclaw this year for the house cup? Certainly not with your C's. However, to answer your question, I think I would be the the goddess Renpet. She was actually the mistress of eternity and was associated with spring, youth and renewal. Maybe finally I wouldn't have to apply so much night cream to keep myself from getting old...or worse...wrinkly. The thought of wrinkles makes me shudder. So, take it from me. Apply loads of night cream unless you want permanent laugh lines. You'll thank me when you're older.
xoxo,
Pansy P.
Dear Pansy,
My birthday is coming up and I want to throw a party. I just don't know what to theme it? My friend suggested a superhero theme. I've attended your parties before and I thought you would be the best person to approach if I wanted to throw a memorable party.
Feeling Twenty-Two
Dear Feeling Twenty-Two,
I don't suppose your sign off is a reference to T-Swift? If so, you have good taste in music. I could see ourselves being friends. However, who is this friend of yours? Are they a close friend? They don't seem like a nice friend. How dare they suggest such a mainstream idea. Everyone is all about superheroes these days. End the friendship, ASAP. You need something retro. You know what you need for your party? An Egyptian theme. Channel your inner Queen Cleopatra. It'll be the party of the year. You're welcome.
PS: I'll be expecting my invitation.
xoxo,
Pansy P.