Mr. Fashionista
by Tyler
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another segment of Mr. Fashionista.
I, your host, have truly outdone myself this time. I've scoured the globe, delved through the depths, and searched the heavens (and hells) to bring you the fashioniest (it's a word, shut up) of fashion. This was a difficult month. I mean, who even knew food related fashion existed (well, I obviously did, but I meant the rest of the world's simpletons).
I digress.
Now, for this round, I'm not gonna be going to be name dropping any big fashion names. No, no, I'll be telling you how to create these astounding looks from food you have right at home! I know, I'm such a humanitarian.
First up on the list of amazing ideas is the classic flapper dress. With all the tacky gorgeous trim on it. An easy way to replicate that is licorice. Just wrap excessive layers of a colored cling-type wrap around your body and then glue on multi-colored or a single color of licorice. It'll totally fool everyone at all those fancy parties and dinners. Plus, you'll totally be the envy of all those uppity parties, anyways. OR. If licorice is hard to come by or if you're allergic to sugar or whatever, I can suggest an alternative: spaghetti. But make sure it's cooked. No one wants spiky, pointy noodles sticking out from your outfit. You want to impress people, not injure them (unless you're me).
Another great solution to those midday cravings is a cotton candy wig. Now, I'm sure it sounds silly, but it's totally practical! Imagine all the cool colors and fun shapes you'll be able to make. Plus, you have all eyes on YOU. Which is really what fashion is all about. You're welcome for the attention.
If you're in a pinch and need some quick makeshift makeup then cake icing and food coloring will TOTALLY work.* Need some foundation? Spackle that on and leave no corner uneven. Layer it up heavily to prevent sweating and giving yourself a dewey look. Contour and add some fun eye makeup in with the food coloring! If you need black or a crease cut or smokey eye effect, just mix together all the food colors for a truly dark black. You can even use flour as a setting powder! These are just a few of the unknown beauty tips I'm sharing here.
These are just a few simple tips to follow to help you all really celebrate the joys of food in your every day outfits. I'm sure there are plenty others, but remember, Mr. Fashionista knows best!
Until next time, darlings,
Mr. Fashionista
* - Probably. Actually on second thought, literally never do this. Ever.