Making Money Off the Muggles
By Samantha Bradley
Magic. It's something we use every day of our life; am I right? We use it for all kinds of things to make our lives easier, like not having to lug that five liter cask of fire whiskey up the stairs traveling from one continent to another in under two minutes and other essential tasks. Oh, the joys of not having to deal with Heathrow or JFK Airports, right? (Truthfully, you are missing a lot. I made this very trip with a Muggle friend of mine one Summer, and it was definitely an experience I shall not soon forget. Over five hours each way, and the guy in front of us had BO for days. It gave me a whole new respect for Muggles, having to endure all of that.)
This whole thing made me think - What would happen if there was some kind of way to teach a few simple spells to Muggles that might make their life easier? If Squibs can learn how to do certain basic spells, then the Muggles should be able to learn them, too. They're kind of the same thing, after all. Neither one of them has anything magical about them. Just think of the money an enterprising witch or wizard could make, as long as they had the patience. It wouldn't be anything great we would be teaching them anyway, as they simply don't have the capacity to learn that kind of thing, but they would think they were the most skilled magicians in the world (if they only knew!) After all, if Filch could learn a few basic Kwikspell things, then we could certainly use them to teach Muggles - for a price. We could charge them a ton of Muggle money, as this is the type of knowledge they consider very valuable.
You know, it's kind of a shame. There are actually some Muggle born witches and wizards out there that just don't realize their abilities and probably never will. And I'm not talking about guys like David Blaine or that old dude who plays shows in Las Vegas. I'm talking about actual, legitimate magic. Every now and then one of them will rise to the top of their field (which is often music) and blow the lid off of everything that's ever come before them. I have no idea why the Ministry of Magic doesn't do something about it, but my guess would be that there would be too many questions asked if these people just disappeared one day. The Muggles would probably think they were taken off in the mothership or something (a common myth of theirs). I honestly think there is more going on than meets the eye, and that it's all about the money. So let's not have any qualms about showing a few basic things to those who are interested. It isn't going to hurt us, and I'm quite sure the goblins at Gringotts know how to convert Muggle money into Gringotts. And if the Muggles ask any questions, tell them it's something that came to you in a dream, and then you realized you could actually do it. Yeah, that ought to work! Just teach them how to make butter beer or something. They'll like that!
Think about it, anyway. I'll be back with more exciting revelations next month. In the meantime, have fun with the Muggles but be careful not to hurt them! See you next time!
- Sam