Letting Your Evil Side Win: The Perks of Using Dark Magic
By Lilith Lestrange
Being a snake in a goody too-shoes Gryffindor world can be hard. It's like being a Barbie in a Hot Wheels world; you don't belong, and a good amount of the time, people make sure to remind you of it. You're labeled as evil and corrupt, before you can even say the word 'Voldemort'. But maybe, just maybe, it's not a bad thing to be evil. We all have that inner battle with our moral compass, playing tug-of-war each and every day with what we believe to be right and wrong, but what if for once, we stopped fighting and let the tempting, cookie-bribing dark side win?
So for a moment, let's imagine a life where your evil side dominates. Before even going any further, I already see one of the biggest perks: a nose-less Voldemort. Who wouldn't want to have frequent viewing access to those holes, or perhaps, lack thereof, since they're more like slits? Besides that lovely attraction, you have free power to cast any of those spells which lay hidden away in rotting books of the restricted section of the library. But fear no more! With Voldemort by your side, you'll be able to cast those dark spells with ease
Plus, with his personal experience with horcruxes, you'll be able to fragment your soul into a bazillion horcruxes in no time, allowing you to enjoy the perks of immortality. Sounds alluring, doesn't it? Oh, you're afraid of some saint like Harry Potter going around and destroying all those parts of your soul? Fear not, I have the perfect solution, kudos of the Dark Lord himself. Create an army of Inferi (dead corpses that have been animated using Dark Magic) to protect your beloved soul fragments. Do this, and you won't have to give your soul fragments another thought! Better go start taking out those Muggles for your army. Just kidding, I am not at all telling you to go kill Muggles; that would be totally insane!
On the thought of Muggles, they can be quite obnoxious right? Well, if you weren't such a goody-goody, you could indulge in the luxuries of Dark Magic. Why not cast the Imperius Curse on a few of them and watch as they follow your every command like a lost puppy? Sounds intriguing, doesn't it? Well let's not stop there. If you're a little more twisted in the mind than I thought, and one of those damned Muggles is withholding information that is rightfully yours, you might enjoy the use of the Cruciatus Curse. Cast that spell upon them and they'll be talking in no time!
So by now, you're probably thinking: why the hell didn't I turn evil earlier? That's a good question to ask yourself, you fool. Any sound minded person would have realized that leading an evil lifestyle is definitely more entertaining. So go gawk at Voldemort's glorious nose holes now that you have an all access pass to them. Enjoy being evil!