Chatting with Herpo!
By James Rowle XI
I sat tapping my fingers against my desk in a magical pattern. There was that cursed word again, Magic! I had hit a block, a mental fence if you will, on this months article. Who in the world could I interview with such a broad subject as magic? Of course there are the obvious choices, Bathilda Bagshot, Merlin, Hecate, and Sabrina the teenage witch. Yet I felt that would be too boring, too mainstream.
Hmm, maybe a crazy house elf? Or even some bloke in America called Piff the Magic Dragon. Yeah, he even has magic in his name. Just as I was thinking of a way to get to Mr Piff I was struck by an even better idea. Yes, what better way to learn about magic then by talking with one of histories all time magical geniuses. I am of course talking about the one and only, Herpo the Foul.
After jumping through many hoops, making shady back-deal promises, and talking to more politicians than I ever really wanted too, I was sitting in front of Herpo's portrait. A little bit about Herpo before I interview him. Herpo is an ancient Greek wizard who breed the first basilisk, successfully created the first Horcrux, and is a parselmouth. See, pure genius I tell you.
Q- Question
A- Answer
Q- Hello Herpo, I'm James a reporter for the newspaper SOUP, how are you today?
A- [Giving me a deadpan stare.] I'm a portrait, I'm the same as every other day in this miserable existence.
Q- Right, well I hope you don't mind answering a few questions for me. First, what is your real name, it surely can't be Herpo the Foul?
A- Unfortunately, it is. Herpo after my great grandfather on my mothers side, and well I was abnormal for a baby, let's leave it at that.
Q- I'm confused, abnormal?
A-[From the glare I'm getting I now know where the basilisks learnt it.] I was very......stinky, even for a small child.
Quickly I rushed to get off this topic.
Q- Now, what can you tell me about your Horcrux? who did you kill?
A- Well one day my brother just would not be quiet about his stupid cows. They are just the best, he tells me. They produce the finest milk, he says. I am the greatest farmer ever, he brags. I had enough, I couldn't put up with his annoying voice anymore. So I killed him in the dead of night and fed him to his prize cows.
Q- Okay then, moving on. Did you invent the Horcrux? Or were you just the first person to successfully make one?
A- Well actually, I met a pleasant Egyptian named......... I meant, of course I invented it, I'm the magical genius here! [He was starting to look a bit flustered.]
Q- Let's get on to the topic of Basilisks. How exactly did you manage to create them?
A- Now that's a funny story. I was in the middle of nowhere and there were minimal animals to hunt for food. All I had on me were the clothes on my back, and one solitary chicken egg. The problem was that the egg just wasn't hatching, and I didn't know the spells to make it hatch. You must understand that an egg isn't very filling, but a whole chicken can be. Now, a bit delirious with hunger, I came up with the brilliant idea to use another animal to hatch the egg. The closest thing to me was a toad. Two days later I got the shock of my life when the egg hatched a snake.
[I was now starting to doubt my earlier claims of this guy being a genius, he was positively insane.]
Q- Last question, what one word would you use to describe magic?
A- Different! Everything about magic is different. You could do the exact same thing and get a different result each time. The complexities of magic are just different from everything else.
Thanking him for his time, I rushed out of there as soon as I could. I really needed a firewhiskey now, never before had I been in such close proximity to a crazy person. Until next time loyal readers, hopefully I'd be back with a more sane individual.