Book Club
By vamp_shadow_werewolf
Dear Slythies,
I hope you're all enjoying your spring days by studying harder for the Housecup, outside in the perfect weather. Ahh... Hogwarts hasn't been so perfect in a long time. Why you may ask? Well, because Pansy is taking over SOUP this month! As you all know, I bury myself within thick layers of books in the library but these days, I've been floating on the surface of beauty & splendor by reading a wonderful pamphlet. Of course it's written by our dearest Slytherin Princess, Pansy Parkinson. Everyone writes to Pansy, from Rita Skeeter to Kreacher & even secret admirers! I have enlisted some of the letters that she has received for you to read & enjoy.
Dear Pansy...
I really don't know what I'm doing, sending you a request for advice. I think you might be the only one to help me though. I've been having issues with students here at Hogwarts wanting follow me around, to assist me in any way they can. From stories I've heard, you were popularly known...though maybe that was more of infamy. Either way, what do you advise doing?
Sincerely,
A popular kid in need of help.
Dear Popular Kid,
Well of course they would follow you around and want to help you! You are a Slytherin, are you not? We Slytherins are very much deserving of respect and admiration and it is your duty to let them. You are worthy of all they have to give to you. You wouldn't want to hurt their tender feelings by refusing them, would you? It is the job of popular folk like us to let other serve us. Do this job well and it will be very rewarding.
Stay fabulous!
Love,
Pansy
I mean, come on, who else would this popular kid message, if Pansy wouldn't be there to assist?
Dear Pansy,
How do you keep your skin so flawless? I have such a hard time what with all the stress and sleuthing I do and I just need some tips on keeping up with the crowd.
Sincerely yours,
Rita Skeeter
Dear Ms. Skeeter,
Goodness! You have no idea how honored and excited I am to receive an owl from my favorite journalist. I am a huge admirer of your work! Now, onto skin care. It is a lot of work trying to keep myself looking fabulous with all of the hard work I do. Good skin is a reflection of a healthy mind, body, and soul. The trick is to make sure that you take time to rest and relax. When I start getting too stressed, I go shopping. New shoes always brighten my spirits. A positive attitude just gives you a wonderful glow. If your mind and soul are happy, your skin will show it. Another part to keeping your body healthy (which will reflect on your skin), is keeping your body healthy. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables, drink tons of water, and I find that a cup of hot tea before bed not only helps me sleep, but makes me feel loads better.
Now, for my actual skin care regime. First and foremost; moisturize. Find a good moisturizer and use it often. Secondly, make sure you wash your face to keep your pores clean. I always wash my face in the morning before I put anything on it and before bed. A good face wash and moisturizer are keys here. If all else fails, invest in a good concealer and bronzer to fake the ‘healthy glow' on your bad days. Best of luck, Ms. Skeeter!
All my love and admiration,
Pansy
Rita Skeeter, the infamous Daily Prophet reporter! –legasp- With her constantly manicured nails & fashionable looks, she often looks like celebrities. When I read this, not only I skimmed over a bunch of very helpful skin scare tips, but also I realized that shoes are important! Well... as important as everything else, if not more.
Dear Pansy,
How do you look so sexy all the time? I mean seriously, do you drink the elixir of life because you are just DAMN!
-secret Slytherin admirer
Dear Admirer,
Aren't you just the sweetest person ever! Thank you very much! My beauty regime consists of lots of water, sleep, chocolate, and the blood of a hufflepuff, my favorite pair of heels. If you've got it, flaunt it. Also, telling your rivals that bellbottom jeans are back in (when they really aren't) definitely helps make you look sexy. Beauty takes work and sometimes, not in the way you expect.
Thanks again, sweetheart!
All my love,
Pansy
Hufflepuff blood is as important as shoes... Another drawn conclusion.
Kreacher knew it all along. The Mudbloods made the Apocalypse happen. But who would listen to old Kreacher? What would poor Mistress say? Kreacher thinks we should get rid of all of them. Miss Pansy, friend of Miss Cissy's son, how do we stop the filthy Mudbloods?
With respect,
Kreacher
Dear Kreacher,
Darling Kreacher! I am so glad you survived! I think the most important thing is to take care of yourself. Are you somewhere safe? Do you have food? Leave the mudbloods alone and just worry about Kreacher. Let me know if you need anything, sweetheart! I'm here for you!
(Though I do agree with you that all this is the filthy mudblood's fault -Granger is specific)
Love,
Pansy
I knew specifically that no one is as responsible as Pansy when it comes to reply to letters even in an apocalypse! She's so tender & caring, even towards Kreacher.
Dear Pansy,
I was studying potions the other night when I stumbled upon how to make the drink of despair. I brewed a batch being the Slytherin I am and accidentally spilled some in Professor Snape's goblet. He's crying hysterically and screaming for Lily Potter..what can I do to help him without getting in serious trouble?
-Bran
Dear Bran,
Run. Run far away. The Room of Requirement, Hogsmede, another country. Just run. I'll get an owl to Madam Pomfrey, but you need to go into hiding. If Professor Snape finds out it was you, you're basilisk bait.
Stay Safe!
Love,
Pansy
& last but not least, without Pansy, who would save the dearest Professor Snape –ofmine-? Even though Bran would end up running anyway, without Pansy's letter to Madam Pomfrey, we couldn't get Professor Snape back on his feet again.
So yeah, if you want solutions you know who to write! Just make those letters arrive one at a time. We don't want Miss Parkinson all stressed. To the bonus side, you may even get them published in the next volume of Pansy's Pampering Pamphlet!
Cheers!
~Shadow
By vamp_shadow_werewolf
Dear Slythies,
I hope you're all enjoying your spring days by studying harder for the Housecup, outside in the perfect weather. Ahh... Hogwarts hasn't been so perfect in a long time. Why you may ask? Well, because Pansy is taking over SOUP this month! As you all know, I bury myself within thick layers of books in the library but these days, I've been floating on the surface of beauty & splendor by reading a wonderful pamphlet. Of course it's written by our dearest Slytherin Princess, Pansy Parkinson. Everyone writes to Pansy, from Rita Skeeter to Kreacher & even secret admirers! I have enlisted some of the letters that she has received for you to read & enjoy.
Dear Pansy...
I really don't know what I'm doing, sending you a request for advice. I think you might be the only one to help me though. I've been having issues with students here at Hogwarts wanting follow me around, to assist me in any way they can. From stories I've heard, you were popularly known...though maybe that was more of infamy. Either way, what do you advise doing?
Sincerely,
A popular kid in need of help.
Dear Popular Kid,
Well of course they would follow you around and want to help you! You are a Slytherin, are you not? We Slytherins are very much deserving of respect and admiration and it is your duty to let them. You are worthy of all they have to give to you. You wouldn't want to hurt their tender feelings by refusing them, would you? It is the job of popular folk like us to let other serve us. Do this job well and it will be very rewarding.
Stay fabulous!
Love,
Pansy
I mean, come on, who else would this popular kid message, if Pansy wouldn't be there to assist?
Dear Pansy,
How do you keep your skin so flawless? I have such a hard time what with all the stress and sleuthing I do and I just need some tips on keeping up with the crowd.
Sincerely yours,
Rita Skeeter
Dear Ms. Skeeter,
Goodness! You have no idea how honored and excited I am to receive an owl from my favorite journalist. I am a huge admirer of your work! Now, onto skin care. It is a lot of work trying to keep myself looking fabulous with all of the hard work I do. Good skin is a reflection of a healthy mind, body, and soul. The trick is to make sure that you take time to rest and relax. When I start getting too stressed, I go shopping. New shoes always brighten my spirits. A positive attitude just gives you a wonderful glow. If your mind and soul are happy, your skin will show it. Another part to keeping your body healthy (which will reflect on your skin), is keeping your body healthy. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables, drink tons of water, and I find that a cup of hot tea before bed not only helps me sleep, but makes me feel loads better.
Now, for my actual skin care regime. First and foremost; moisturize. Find a good moisturizer and use it often. Secondly, make sure you wash your face to keep your pores clean. I always wash my face in the morning before I put anything on it and before bed. A good face wash and moisturizer are keys here. If all else fails, invest in a good concealer and bronzer to fake the ‘healthy glow' on your bad days. Best of luck, Ms. Skeeter!
All my love and admiration,
Pansy
Rita Skeeter, the infamous Daily Prophet reporter! –legasp- With her constantly manicured nails & fashionable looks, she often looks like celebrities. When I read this, not only I skimmed over a bunch of very helpful skin scare tips, but also I realized that shoes are important! Well... as important as everything else, if not more.
Dear Pansy,
How do you look so sexy all the time? I mean seriously, do you drink the elixir of life because you are just DAMN!
-secret Slytherin admirer
Dear Admirer,
Aren't you just the sweetest person ever! Thank you very much! My beauty regime consists of lots of water, sleep, chocolate, and the blood of a hufflepuff, my favorite pair of heels. If you've got it, flaunt it. Also, telling your rivals that bellbottom jeans are back in (when they really aren't) definitely helps make you look sexy. Beauty takes work and sometimes, not in the way you expect.
Thanks again, sweetheart!
All my love,
Pansy
Hufflepuff blood is as important as shoes... Another drawn conclusion.
Kreacher knew it all along. The Mudbloods made the Apocalypse happen. But who would listen to old Kreacher? What would poor Mistress say? Kreacher thinks we should get rid of all of them. Miss Pansy, friend of Miss Cissy's son, how do we stop the filthy Mudbloods?
With respect,
Kreacher
Dear Kreacher,
Darling Kreacher! I am so glad you survived! I think the most important thing is to take care of yourself. Are you somewhere safe? Do you have food? Leave the mudbloods alone and just worry about Kreacher. Let me know if you need anything, sweetheart! I'm here for you!
(Though I do agree with you that all this is the filthy mudblood's fault -Granger is specific)
Love,
Pansy
I knew specifically that no one is as responsible as Pansy when it comes to reply to letters even in an apocalypse! She's so tender & caring, even towards Kreacher.
Dear Pansy,
I was studying potions the other night when I stumbled upon how to make the drink of despair. I brewed a batch being the Slytherin I am and accidentally spilled some in Professor Snape's goblet. He's crying hysterically and screaming for Lily Potter..what can I do to help him without getting in serious trouble?
-Bran
Dear Bran,
Run. Run far away. The Room of Requirement, Hogsmede, another country. Just run. I'll get an owl to Madam Pomfrey, but you need to go into hiding. If Professor Snape finds out it was you, you're basilisk bait.
Stay Safe!
Love,
Pansy
& last but not least, without Pansy, who would save the dearest Professor Snape –ofmine-? Even though Bran would end up running anyway, without Pansy's letter to Madam Pomfrey, we couldn't get Professor Snape back on his feet again.
So yeah, if you want solutions you know who to write! Just make those letters arrive one at a time. We don't want Miss Parkinson all stressed. To the bonus side, you may even get them published in the next volume of Pansy's Pampering Pamphlet!
Cheers!
~Shadow