I thought long and hard about what to write to fit with the Marvel theme. During this time, I came up with thoughts about who I might consider choosing if I were looking for someone to aid me in my quest for world domination happiness. Because everyone knows I'm no sidekick, I'm the main event. So, alas, I had to find myself someone who fit the job I was looking for; and upon first look, three names stuck out to me like a sore thumb: The Hulk, Spider-man, and Iron Man. Why these fellas you ask? One's a green giant with anger management issues, one's a guy who wears a red suit and spews cobwebs out of his hands (or is it his arms? I don't know), and one's a filthy rich man with a robotic suit that clanks around like an annoying tin soldier. Yes, yes, I know, they don't sound all that appealing. I was thinking that exact same thing myself. However, I decided to hold off my judgement for a tiny bit (yes, my ability to do this surprised me, too) and logically think about each Marvel character.
So, let's begin with the one I feel that I despise the most: Spider-man. Why is that, you ask? It might be due to the fact that I have an irrational fear of spiders (okay, I'll stop lying, it's more like an irrational fear of all bugs). His whole outfit is spider themed, I mean, his name is literally Spider-man after all, but just looking at him makes me want to cringe. So I think his backstory was that he got bitten by a disgusting, radioactive spider which gave him his super powers (if that's what you want to call them), right? Well, I feel like it would only be logical to want to distance yourself from someone who got infected by the appalling, eight-legged creature. I mean, for all I know, billions of spider babies could come crawling out of him at any moment like those god-awful horror movies I tend to shy away from because I hate something that makes me jump. His babies would then chase me, and eventually get me, because I can't run to save my life, and then my precious body would become a revolting host to a new batch of spider babies. Yeah, no thanks; I think I'll pass.
Well, since we've thrown the idea of the man made of spiders out the metaphorical window, let's consider the next character: Iron Man. This man has got one enormous ego the size of a blue whale, ready to swallow any weak or unsuspecting victims. Now, from personal experience, it never really works to have two very large egos in a very small space. They will clash, and inevitability, the weaker one will get demolished. I don't want someone who fights me and questions my decisions all the time. After all, he's just supposed to be my sidekick, not the main attraction. Plus, I feel like his metallic outfit can be quite clamorous at times. If I'm trying to partake in some important covert mission, he'd let everyone know where we were within a mile's radius. The one thing I do like about him is the fact that he has more money than he knows what do with. I'm no fool, I know that money makes the world go round, and if I ever want to take it over, I'll have to have loads of money. So in that aspect, he could be my personal piggy bank. The only question would be whether or not he would be worth putting up with.
On to the final consideration: The Hulk. At first, the green giant didn't appeal to me. Upon looking further though, I realized there are several things that might actually be beneficial. Firstly, the Hulk is incredibly strong. He could smash anyone to a pulp if I needed him to. He appears to have a child-like mindset that seems like it could be easy to manipulate or persuade him if need be. Additionally, he has quite a bit of rage stored within him, and I feel like that could be beneficial in fights because he becomes energized by his anger. It would serve to motivate him. Plus, he seems to be protective of certain individuals during these spouts of anger; if I could get myself on that list, I'd be golden. The only negative thing I could think of is if I accidentally light the incredibly short fuse of his anger, and he aims it at me. I feel like it might be extremely difficult to talk him down because once he's in that mindset, there's no going back.
I don't know about you guys, but considering all of these things, I'd rank them in the following order as individuals I'd choose to be my sidekick: 1.) Iron-Man, 2.) The Hulk, 3.) Spider-Man. To me, the fortune was of immense importance. Wealth is the golden ticket to seeing my plans succeed. So I'll just take my money bags and ride off happily into the sunset.
Hope you all enjoyed the read. Until next time,
-Artemisia