Dear Tom,
Oh. My. GOODNESS! Oh, you have no idea how incredible these muggles… er, what were they again… oh, mooh-vees! Yes, these muggle mooh-vees are amazing! Recently, a muggleborn friend of mine took me to the mooh-vees and we watched Black Panther together. The Wakandans are just like wizards, hiding away from the other muggles in societies of their own; the only difference there is between us is the fact that they chose to reveal their “magic” to the world. If muggles can live in such harmony, then so can we! That is why I propose to also reveal our magic to the rest of the world and share our help! Thoughts?
WAKANDA FOREVER and thanks from,
A Super Fanboy
Dear Super Fool,
Ugh, your enthusiasm for a muggle film is nauseating. Take a few deep breaths and calm down. First of all, I would advise you to use a dictionary when writing your letters; it is spelled as “movies” and not, “mooh-vees”. Secondly, I believe that the line between fiction and reality has been blurred for you. Understand that the movie Black Panther is a work of fiction based off of its original comic book series. This brings us to my third point which is that… no one will ever second your proposal. From my personal observations, muggles do not enjoy being exposed to magic. Little Amy Benson and Dennis Bishop from the orphanage certainly didn’t enjoy it, they’ll tell you.
Don’t bother trying to get anywhere with your idea,
Tom M. Riddle
Dear Riddle,
Please, send help. Recently, I took my best friend to the movies so that we could watch Black Panther together. It was a terrible mistake on my part. Apparently, he had never seen a movie before and was absolutely enchanted by everything that flashed across the silver screen! I had to spend nearly an entire hour trying to talk him out of “visiting the nation of Wakanda”. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Recently, he adopted a black cat and promptly named him T’Challa! How do I get him to stop?
From,
A Gal With A Pal Who Has A Serious Problem
Dear Gal With A Really Long Name,
Honestly, whose fault is it, taking their friend to watch a movie anyway? It is certainly not a problem of my own doing. And, if my suspicions are correct, your friend has now taken to sending me ridiculous letters asking about “revealing our magic”. This is your own fault! Take action and work this out on your own. Isolate your friend from any more muggle contraptions and make sure to steer clear of any superhero movies. And tell him to change the cat’s name.
Good luck because you’ll need it,
Tom M. Riddle
Dear Voldie,
I can call you Voldie, right? Anyway, I just wanted to ask you... which house does T’Challa, Shuri, Okoye, and Killmonger belong to? I have honestly thought long and hard about each of the characters... but I believe that each house is quite fitting. T’Challa is obviously a Gryffindor, Shuri is undeniably a Ravenclaw, Okoye is a Hufflepuff through and through, and Killmonger is a Slytherin. Am I right, or am I right?
Sincerely,
A Person Who Knows They’re Always Right
Dear A Person Who Should Know That They’re Incorrect,
“Person Who Knows They’re Always Right”? Ha! In fact, let me tell you that you have made three errors. Your first mistake was when you called me Voldie. Nobody calls me Voldie, do you hear me? Nobody! I am Lord Voldemort! Secondly, no matter what you say, you will be wrong. You may call me petulant but you are wrong. Wrong! Your third and most important mistake was the fact that you assumed that I watch these pointless muggle movies. I don’t like to waste my time watching muggles trying to do magic.
Regards,
Voldie- I mean, Lord Voldemort! Lord Voldemort!
PS: Okoye is NOT a Hufflepuff. A Wakandan that amazing and perfect can only be a Slytherin.