Mr. Fashionista
by Tyler
Hello my little angels, it is time once again for an incomparable fashion line up! While summer is coming in roaringly fast, I will help you get all glammed up for an impressive night on the town. Amidst the humidity, we'll find beauty in sweating an entire face of makeup off. Couture.
I know that it's almost summer and y'all want nothing less than to wear a bikini while running through a sprinkler. I get that. I'm at that level, too. Maybe with or without a large caftan just draped around me. Skin tight clothes in summer are the bane of existence.
So, in keeping with wanting to lay out by the pool, we encounter a few problems. Summer, or as I call it, the time when Hell open up and releases a torrent of never-ending swarms of bugs. In keeping with this demonic tradition, we have to figure out a way to keep pesky insects away from you. The solution? The candy boa. If it sounds crazy, then boy do I have some news for you all. It is.
Everyone knows the classic feather boa - a staple in the entertaining world. Usually in a range of colors and sometimes multicolored, the boa is a true testament to "why do we have this". Well, it's time to reinvent in the name of fashion and usage.
Let's ask ourselves, what do horrendous bugs love? Sugary, sweet snacks. Want to know the perfect emulation to feathers that is in fact, a sugary, sweet snack? Gummy worms.
That's right. Those sticky, faux, ground-residing, slimy ... animals are the perfect replacement in this hopefully-not-a-disaster creation. Now for the construction? This part is easy too. Just use taffy to hold it all together. It's moldable, glue-like, and damn near indestructible.
And the bonus? If the insects are distracted by the glob of sugar, you can use it as a whip to flick them all away. Double the usage!
Now, remember to bring gloves because this can get a little sticky! Be sure to let us know if you use this little tidbit of fashion and let us know how it works! Please keep your lawsuits at bay, though. We have no money.
Until next time,
Mr. Fashionista