Chatting with Ambrosius Flume
By James Rowle XI
Another month, another interview, only my second article and I'm already getting stumped on just who to interview. Why must they leave such important decisions to me? Luckily, I knew just what would get me out of this second month funk, chocolate!
So my dear readers, it was on this quest of epic proportions that I came along the answer to all my problems. A man named Ambrosius Flume aka the Owner of Honeydukes aka Willy Wonka. Yes, you heard that right, a little known fact is that the chocolate factory is based on a real story.
Fortunately for me, Mr. Flume kindly agreed to the interview and even brought along some of his free samples. In continuation of that fact, please excuse me if I get side-tracked at any point during the interview, I am particularly partial to Jelly Slugs.
Q- Question
A- Answer
Q- I believe the first question I should ask, so the readers at least know I'm telling the truth for once, are you The Willy Wonka?
A- I am a Willy Wonka, I don't know if I can be called The Willy Wonka. You see, the character is based on me but it has gotten to the point that Willy Wonka is almost a belief, a legend on which one can model themselves after. He as a character that transcends me.
Q- Okay then, let's move forward. Some aspects of the story can come across a bit malicious. For example the turning of a child into a blueberry?
A- So I added a few things here and there to my creations. It's not my fault she was silly enough to try experimental food. [He resolutely finishes, giving me a cold stare.]
Q- What about Oompa Loompas?
A- [Looking baffled, he responds] What about Oompa Loompas?
Q- Well what are they? I've never heard of Oompa Loompas before.
A- Ah, they are just simply race of dwarfs native to the Amazonian Rainforest. I'm sure you noticed they sing just like the dwarfs brought in by that Lockhart fellow.
[I gasped in surprise. Another of life's great mysteries successfully solved by me.]
Q- How did you get around the Statue of Secrecy?
A- To be honest even I'm surprised by that one. I think it was a mixture of there being nothing overtly magical, the winning child (Charlie) ending up being a Muggle-born, and just some pure luck.
[.........
Ah, Mr. Rowle, are you okay? He asked after a very long pause.
Unngh guggh, I grunted in reply as I picked some of the delicious salt water taffy from between my teeth.]
Q- Ahem, right, sorry about that. Let's get of the Willy Wonka topic. Now it has come to our attention that you sell hollowed out chocolate. Do you know what it has been used for?
A- [Once more I manage to confuse him.] It gets eaten I assume?
Q- Wrong! I mean, correct, but not in the way you think. Teenage girls are filling them with love potions, assassins with poison, and pranksters with babbling beverage. What do you have to say about that? [I pin him with my best accusatory stare, though I feel the effect was diminished with my tongue still wrestling with a particularly persistent piece of taffy.]
A- Not my problem. I have demand for hollowed out chocolate, I make it, I sell it. What the customer does with it is none of my concern.
Q- Last question, and perhaps the most important, what is the next chocolate product you plan to release?
A- Hmm, I suppose I can use this as an opportunity to announce it. Utilizing a partnership with Mister Ogden, we have created Honeydukes Firebreath biscuit. It's a chocolate biscuit that is filled with, plus soaked in, firewhiskey. In fact, here, have this free complementary sample box Mister Rowle. [He hands over a large-ish box, to which I nearly burst into overjoyed tears.]
So concluded another successful interview, I might just have to interview more candy shop owners. It was much more pleasant than last weeks Herpo the Foul interview.
See you next month my loyal readers.