Dear Pansy
By Pansy Parkinson
Dear Pansy:
We're all excited that the end of term is here. A lot of us want to play a prank on the staff before we leave for the Summer, something they'll never forget and which can be blamed on another House (any House but Slytherin) but we have no idea where to start. Is there anything you would suggest? (I figure you might be good at this, since you were at Hogwarts during the good old days. So jealous of that!)
Sincerely,
An Anonymous Rowdy Student
Dear Student,
Poison the food (and by poison I mean like use U-NO-POO or something. Don't kill anyone); the Hufflepuff common room is closest to the kitchens. The staff will totally blame the Hufflepuffs since they have the easiest access to the food in the first place. But you didn't hear that from me! Good Luck!
xoxo,
Pansy
Dear Pansy,
Do you think you could help save a student? It's so close to the end of term, but unlike the 7th years, I still have much more school to go to. I just want it to be done like it is with them. So, do you have any advice on how to make it through a couple more years of school? How did you deal with it?
Please help,
A Student Worth Saving
Dear Student,
You can do this! Just remember that all that extra school will pay off in the end. It's a means to an end. Keep your eyes on the prize, dearheart. Cut out pictures of what you plan to do with all that school, write yourself love notes to keep your spirits up, write your dream job on a poster and hang it somewhere where you will see it every day. Chip up, sweetling!
Love,
Pansy
Dear Pansy,
I know you saw me at Draco's party. I know you were eyeing the earrings i had on. I just wanted to ask you, jealous much?
Love,
Kay
Kay,
Why would I be jealous of a pair of earrings that you clearly bought on clearance, since they were from last years fashion lines?
xoxo,
Pansy
Dear Pansy,
As you know, we are a few inches away from winning the house cup. I was wondering what was your most memorable moment during this term andddd...
Do you think putting some really hot makeup on & going to seduce Professor Flitwick to get more house points will help winning the house cup?
Love,
A Very Twisted Slytherin
Dear Twisted Slytherin,
My most memorable moment was being in charge of SOUP, and the staff loving it so much, they dedicated an entire issue to me!
I don't think that would work on that particular professor. Now, put on a red wig, green contacts, and act really smart, and you might get Professor Snape's attention.
Love,
Pansy
Dear Pansy,
With finals coming up, I haven't had time to study AND look fabulous at the same time. Any tips for a struggling Slytherin?
Love,
Your Biggest Fan
Dear fan,
Keep it simple. Wear all black, simple and comfy shoes, light makeup/accessories, and keep a pair of sunglasses handy. Most importantly, get enough sleep! No one looks fabulous when they are exhausted. Though, a good concealer can solve that problem too. Hang in there!
Love,
Pansy
Dear Pansy,
I feel like I'm expected to be someone I'm not all the time. My parents are always putting pressure on me to do well and my friends and peers always expect me to be perfect. I just feel like everything I do is judged by everyone. Do you have any recommendations?Sincerely,
A Lost Little Slytherin
Dear Little Slytherin,
You are wonderful just the way you are, don't forget that. My best advice is to stop listening to them. Set goals for yourself, and keep them. It is your life, not theirs. They will either understand that or they won't, but you are the one who is building the foundation for your future. The only person who gets any say in that, is you. You are fabulous. I have no doubts that you will be just fine.
Love,
Pansy
Dear pansy
How do I get a direwolf for myself, or, more relevant, how do I get out of working because I want to hide under my covers with my laptop?
Love,
Lazy Bones
Dear Lazy Bones,
Direwolves are extinct or only exist in fantasy, so you don't get one. You also don't get out of working. Get up and go to work, now. Slytherins are not lazy. Work, then play. Got it?
xoxo,
Pansy
Dear Pansy,
The rebellion is in full swing, and WOWEE, time of my life doesn't even BEGIN to describe the joy such mayhem brings to our noble house! But yesterday I came across some stupid Badger rooting through my trunk of fabulous hi-jinks! I currently have her stapled to the front of my dorm, but she has started wailing at nights and it really has become quite a problem. Any idea what we should do with the brat? -From a disgruntled admirer-
Dear Admirer,
Send her back to her house. Remind her that Slytherin is the house on top, and if she values her reputation, she'll keep her mouth shut, and stay out of our way. A good bat-bogey hex would be helpful as well. Silly badgers, winning is for snakes.
Love,
Pansy
Dear Pansy,
I am a little unsure on how to keep my voice heard over the racket currently ensuing in the Slytherin Common Room. I need a trick so amazingly brilliant that it will knock the socks off every trouble maker that's ever lived!! I need some ideas, something that will have me remembered for years to come and who better than the infamous Slytherin Princess? PLEASE?!
- From a Desperate Nobody-
Dearest Nobody,
Instant Darkness Powder works like a charm in the Common Room. Use some of that, then be the voice of calm and reason, and everyone will flock to you. When you pull out your Hand of Glory as a light source, they'll be like moths to your flame. Then, after the powder has worn off, tell them your brilliant ideas, and voila! Best of luck, dearie.
Love,
Pansy