Dear Draco

by Draco Malfoy

Dear Draco,
It’s the beginning of January, oh my! That means time to put aside the sweets and get back to being healthy, since the holiday season is over. Do you have any pointers to help those of us who have trouble putting away the brownies and cookies and putting on our running shoes?

Xoxo,
Definitely-not-Jillian-Michaels

Dear Not-Michaels,
This is all about self-control. You need to figure out where your weaknesses are, fix them (or at least hide them from everyone else), and then move on. It is not difficult to get rid of cake or pie, just tell the House Elves to do it! Then you should get the best looking running shoes, so you’ll want to put them on and show them off. See, simple.

Sincerely,
Draco Malfoy

Dearest Draco,
You’re always looking flawless year-round. How can I be like that this year? I feel like none of the girls pay attention to me…plus I think people talk about me behind my back. People don’t do that to you, do they? Please help me become cool like you!

-Mystery Guy

Dear Mystery Guy,
The only way to become “cool”, as you call it, is to be better than everyone else. Of course, that is excluding myself. You need to have the newest, fashionable clothing. You also need to make yourself look presentable at all times. Slick back your hair, and do not let it look wild at all. Next, do not associate with those pesky lions or badgers. Ravenclaws are sometimes alright. Now, none of this is going to do you any good unless you are confident in yourself.

Sincerely,
Draco Malfoy

Dear Dracy-poo,
Are you going to treat me better this year? I’m seriously lacking in your attention. You’ve been awfully busy with this column, getting ready for the day, and going out to stroll in Diagon Alley. I miss you buying me pretty bracelets and earrings!

Love,
The Fairest of them All

Dear Fairest,
I think I do know who you are from your handwriting! I do apologize to anyone I’ve not given enough attention to throughout the year. I can tell you that I’ll try to show my appreciation more (yes, that does mean more jewelry for you).

Sincerely,
Draco Malfoy

Dear Draco,
Do you mean resolutions? What is one that you’re making this year?

-Resolutionist

Dear Resolutionist,
I do not normally make resolutions. I feel they are for those who are not the best that they can be. However, my mother is making all of us pick one this year. How terrible. This year, my resolution is to go back to my potioneering and gain more experience.

Sincerely,
Draco Malfoy