Hey you. Yeah you. Come over here. Hi there, I am Katie_slytherin, an elite private executive officer for section 6.3 in the Department of Mysteries for the Ministry. How would you all like to come on a special mission with me? You would, great! Follow me to the lab. Alright, here is what has been happening in the past few months. Apparently our arch nemesis Dr. Sheins Poofenshmirtz has invented an evil magical destroyinator. We need all of the help we can get to help destroy this inator. So what so do you say? Are you ready to go on a mission? A fair warning, not all will come back from this dangerous mission. . .
First we will have to put you through a quick training test to ensure you can safely come with us. First you will go through a simple health check with our top magical space doctors. Then we will give you a fit test to ensure you will be able to participate. Lastly we have my favourite part- the centrifuge. Mwuahahaha have fun and good luck, I hope to see you on the other side!
Hello friends and welcome back! Good news, most of you passed! The key word here is most. Unfortunately those of you who were born in January did not pass training as you vomited on the centrifuge. The janitors are not very happy with you, you might want to wear a floppy hat or hide behind your bag as you exit. As for the rest of you, congratulations, let's continue on. We have no time to waste so quickly follow me so we can board the rocketship. Alright, we are set for launch, count 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 BLAST OFF! Weeeeeeeeeeee!
Alright folks I am happy to announce we are now in space! Unbuckle yourselves and test out that zero gravity! Fun, right?! Okay as we make our way to our destination, let me explain the plan. We are heading to Mars. Fun fact, Mars is the Roman version of the Greek god Ares- my favourite Greek god. Plus Mars is home to one of the greatest wizarding schools outside of the Milky Way- Pigfarts. Now, it looks like we are getting closer to the planet, we should prepare to exit the spaceship. Come on over to the back, we will put our spacesuits on. Make sure you have it on properly, we do not want any accidents because that means more paperwork to fill out. Alright folks, the time has come to exit the spacecraft, double check to make sure everything is on properly and then follow me! Good good, it looks like we have everyone. Oh no! It looks like everyone born in December forgot to secure their weighted boots and they are all floating off into the void of space! That is a true shame, but we can not waste any time, everyone wave goodbye to the December folks and continue on the mission.
It seems we landed in a ditch, but luckily we have some rope. Has anyone ever lassoed or been cliff climbing before? Oh perfect, here, you can take this gear. We will throw the rope up and hope it latches onto something sturdy. Ready? Okay! Go! Hurray, it worked, alright everyone, get climbing!. Awesome job everyone for making it to the top. Oh wait, *does head count* we are missing some *looks into ditch* oh dear, it seems those born in May were climbing on the same rope and it snapped. Yikes, well, I am sure glad I am not a May baby. Come on the rest of you, we have to keep going.
Hey, what is that? Oh no, it looks like we are under attack! A giant rock is rolling towards us AHHHHHHHH. Everyone run for your lives, you are all on your own for this one, sorry! Come on, come on, get over here quick! This is the border of Pigfarts, that boulder should not be able to roll past here. Hurry! Hurry! Oof, close your eyes kids, it seems that the boulder has squished those born in July, February, and April. Come on, we have to find. . . uh oh. It looks like Poofenshmirtz has found us and his destroyinator is aiming right for us! BLAST all of the August children (except for me) have been hit by the inator and BOOM so have the March kiddos.
Everyone, take out your wands and cast your spells! Yikes! It looks like the spells have fired back on the October people. Everything is so chaotic! Ruble is falling everywhere and SPLAT there goes the September peeps and SQUISH there goes the June friends. It looks like only our November space cadets are still with us. I know we lost many, but we are almost there! Just a few more spells and we should be the victors. Luckily a fighting platypus seems to have joined our side. We are so close, come on team, we can do it. Critical hits! Aim for the blind spots! He is getting weaker! Come on, keep going! Oh no look out. Oooo too late. Those born on the 1st-10th are out of the game as well as those born the 25th-30th. A smooth dodge form an attack, but unfortunately those born on an even number take the hit and are out. This is intense. There are only a few left here.
After an intense battle I am happy to say we won. However, only a few are coming back with me to Earth. Congratulations to all those born on November 23rd, you have survived space and helped the Ministry stop Dr. Poofenshmirtz.
Thanks to everyone for volunteering to help out on the mission! I hope you had fun despite your unfortunate and untimely demises.
Until I reemerge from my cave again, this is goodbye from your favorite pureblood Slytherin!
- Katie