Hello wonderful SOUP readers! How are we all on this fine wintery day? Good? You are? Excellent! That's what I like to hear. And yes, before I hear your mutterings of complaint about where the heck Nikita has got to, I can assure you that your favourite journalist is perfectly safe and well. Well... as much as can be expected after having two dozen quills removed from where they embedded themselves in her behind. It was rather unfortunate, but that is what she gets for taking in the group of Knarls that Momma Fox found and trying to rehome them. Why anyone would want to handle those nasty, smelly things is beyond me, but she is clearly much nicer than I am. I promise I won't hex her if she decides to keep one as tempting as that would be. At least her Editors can say that she is getting into the spirit of this month's Pet theme.
In the meantime, I am commandeering her Quick Quotes Quill again to show you two wonderful spells that will stop you from falling prey to such random animal attacks yourselves. Spells that I myself have used to great effect myself recently after a rather disastrous family trip to my brother Benedict's cabin in Virginia. It all started wonderfully, and everyone was having a spectacular time. I was thoroughly enjoying playing with all my darling little nieces and nephews in the woods around the house, and we even found a pretty little nest of fairies to draw. It sounds delightful, doesn't it?
Well, it was. Until my brother Jeremiah and his wife Diana showed up. Late as usual and carrying a rather suspicious, moving, backpack. Now you must understand Jeremiah is the clown of the Nightshade clan and is easily the most ridiculous of us all. It seems to be his life's mission to find as many ways as he possibly can to cause chaos among us. Whether it's from his very silly, completely comedic attempts at art or his almost pathological ability to bring disorder everywhere he goes, there is always something to keep us on our toes, and this time was no exception. Why Diana chose to play along instead of nailing his butt like she normally does, I have no idea. I can only imagine that she thought that their daughter, my little treasure Riannon, would also be entertained.
It's best to say that none of us found the idea of him releasing what appeared to be a very disgruntled Jarvey into a cabin full of Crups, Kneazles, and other miscellaneous pets as amusing as he apparently did. I'm absolutely sure that he meant no harm to any of the animals involved, but Jeremiah has always been just a little reckless if you ask me. Even more than me most of the time. His free spirit is one of the reasons I love him, but that is beside the point. The room turned into utter carnage for a good five minutes, and if I had not thought to use these two spells, I'm fairly sure that Thomas would have had Jeremiah belching acid bubbles for the next week.
So, what spells am I talking about, I hear you ask? Can you guess? No? I will tell you then. The spells I am going to remind you of this month are none other than Silencio and the Impediment Jinx. I'm sure that most of you will have learned them while at school, but how often have you actually used them since graduating? Probably not enough to be able to use them proficiently or in such a spontaneous situation as this. So I'm going to help you brush up on them just in case. The first spell, Silencio, was incredibly useful in blocking out the amount of barking, meowing and shouting that ensued from Jeremiah's little joke. It is a quick and easy incantation that is pronounced si-LEN-see-oh (From the Latin for silence), and after drawing a back-to-front "Y" shape with your wand in front of your target, quietness will descend. It also produces no light, which is helpful. This spell is also just as effective when cast non-verbally, so give it a try sometime!
The second spell, as you probably know, causes your target to slow down or stop. Which is incredibly useful when you have a whole bunch of animals bouncing around each other and crashing into furniture. The incantation of the Impediment Jinx is Impedimenta, and it is pronounced im-PED-i-MEN-ta. The word comes from the Latin word "impedimentum", meaning "a hindrance", which makes sense given the spell's purpose. To cast it, you simply need to slash your wand from left to right in a straight line in front of your target. If you manage to cast it correctly, you will see a flash of turquoise light. If not... then good luck at not accidentally getting bit on the bottom in this particular situation. Something I was fortunate to avoid as I had only just bought that particular pair of Versace jeans. I can imagine that that is a bill that Jeremiah would be keen to avoid if he learned anything from the last time he ruined my clothes.
And there we have it, my dears. Two spells that could just save you from harm if your own family or pets see fit to torture you. I now have to return Nikita's Quill and get back to work. I have training to do for next month's European Cup Tournament, and I'm sure you are all eager for my roommate to return next month.
So until the next time my services are needed, Safe Spelling, everyone! - Tabitha Nightshade
