The theme of this month was rather exciting but disastrous. After bringing my pet pixies to my office, I set down to work on my article. I opened the cage of the pixies to put a bowl of their favourite food in. As naughty as the pixies are, one of them flew to my hand and bit me, devoid of any gratitude for placing their food there. I jumped back in anger and pain, leaving the cage open through which the pesky pixies escaped. Of course, pixies being pixies, they flew here and there, wheeling into each other and crashing with the all the expensive objects in my office (only a few). My expensive vase from Egypt, my rainbow-coloured pens from France, and an expensive rotten piece of meat from the USA. God, they knocked the things down, ate the meat, and even tore some of my papers. After getting over the shock, I immediately pulled out my wand and pointed at three pixies and whispered Immobulus. After dropping all immobilised pixies to the floor, I rushed them all into the cage and took out their food as punishment. God, pixies are obnoxious (but cute)!
Well, enough of my incessant talking or rather writing. Let's start the article now! Well, the honour of being the first potion is granted to the Gnome-Healing Potion! Bitten by your pet gnome because they were disturbing your garden? Perhaps your gnome got angry at you for putting it atop Christmas trees and bit you? Well, no fear! The Gone=Healing Potion will rid your body of any saliva of the gnomes that might have crawled into you. Just grab a bottle of this potion, take a few drops, and throw it on the bite marks. It will quickly dispel any gnome saliva in your body, thus saving you from anything that might've befallen you!
Next on this list is the Pet-Finding Potion! This one might strike you as weird coz how can a potion find your pet, but as it happens, it does! First, you've got to get hold of some part of the pet you wish to find, for example, a feather of a diricrawl. Next, you need to dip the feather you found into the potion! Once it has been nicely doused with the potion, run your wand over the wet feather while speaking Reperio Creature. This should cause the feather or whatever part you're using to turn around in the direction of the creature. If the creature is some big creature with the Ministry classification of XXXX or XXXXX, then I'm afraid the creature is lost forever (though, I have to wonder, which fool would like those creatures enough to keep them as PETS!). If the creature is dead, then also I'm afraid that the wand cannot lead to the body. Sad, I know.
Next comes the AquaPet Potion! Are the marks around your hand still feel some burning after your pet grindylow tried to squash your hands to a pulp with its tentacles when you tried to stroke it last night? Maybe your pet plimpy chewed part of your hand off while you were happily chatting away with your best friend when it was inside the water? Well, the AquaPet potion is right there to help you! Any bruise, wound, rash, or anything small caused by aquatic pets can easily be healed by this potion. Just pour some of it into a cup and gulp it down. I should warn you though, this potion's got a nasty taste. But it's effects are also really quick!
That's about all I got for these pet-concerning potions. It was tiresome to find some of these potions, but I managed it. I'm not gonna ask you to send me some owls telling me about the most useful potion as I never get any *sad noises*. Well, now, let's go on to the tale of the cleaning of my office after my pixies destroyed it. As I stooped down to pick up the box which contained some of my most exquisite pens, I spotted the fragments of my costly vase. After carefully placing the box of pens on a handsome-looking velvet, I proceeded to pick up the broken pieces of my beautiful vase. As the thousand galleons-worth vase slid off my hands into the two galleon garbage can, I cried my {redacted due to extreme flaunting and irrelevance to the article}.
And it's goodbye from I'd-rather-not-disclose-my-name. I hope you enjoyed the tale of the cleaning of my office. Meet you again in my next article.
Aaaaand, please feast your eyes with this picture of my favourite pixie, Pixy -
