Mr. Fashionista
by Tyler
Hello darlings, I have another great round of some incomparable fashion advice for you all! Please, please, hold your applause for the end. (Or applaud throughout the article, it's up to you really.)
This time around, we're dealing with how cold it is (for most of the world). The U.S. has been hit with a freakish bout of terribly low temperatures, and it's left us all shivering! Or shoveling snow, in the northeast's case.
So, this one's going out to all those freezing. At first, I was like " It should include FIRE!" but that seems dangerous and I can't afford all the lawsuits it will attract. I'd be forced to live in a box outside Madam Malkin's, and she already hates me for some unknown reason. (She needed the advice! Purple is a hideous color!) Instead, my advice is much simpler (and safer for everyone involved).
A cocoon of bed sheets.
That's correct, a human burrito of blankets, bed sheets, and other various items that provide warmth. Suggestions include, but are not limited to: sweaters, pillows, puppies, sleeping bags, or heating pads. Use with caution, though, as it's likely to get messy if you include more items. It will also get harder to move with the more layers, but hey, if that's your prerogative, then more power to you.
The key to really pulling this look off is all in the wrapping. If you're sloppy, it'll fall apart and you'll most definitely freeze in place. Do you know how many human ice statues I've had to clean up this week alone?! Far too many.
To get these to stay tight to your body you'll have to use safety pins or magic. Personally, I prefer a nice combination of sticking spells and desperation. A sense of hope can lead you a long way.
This look is the perfect ice breaker for any social gathering or could shove you into the spotlight on Christmas! Forget about that fat jolly man, you're a star!
I mean, you'll probably get knocked to the naughty list, but we're all on our way there anyways, am I right?
Until next time, little darlings!
Mr. Fashionista