Sweat rolled down my back as I scurried through Diagon Alley. The stars were calling to me and I just knew it was time for me to write down the monthly horoscopes I know you've been waiting for. My apartment is bloody hot, all the ice cream melted despite the freezing charms I had casted on it. Irritated that my sweet treats were a puddle on the floor, much like how I've been feeling, I headed to the one place I knew would still be able to fix my cravings. As Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour came into view, I felt my body instinctively relax. So now I sit here, with my strawberry and mango ice cream in front of me. I can finally focus on what the stars are telling me.
Aries, when I think of you I think of chocolate and raspberry ice cream. Your life is full of sweetness and rich conversations. However, you keep making the same mistake over and over. Break that cycle, and you will thrive this month. You'll receive a Floo call from a stranger, this stranger will either become your greatest friend or your worst enemy. Choose wisely.
Remember that change is good Taurus. Perhaps you should stray from your classic vanilla ice cream life and follow a path more risqué, like chocolate chili ice cream. You'll never grow to be the person you want to be if you don't take a risk every once in a while.
You are sweet like butterbeer ice cream, Gemini. You're very loved and underrated. Never forget your self worth, never forget that your friends love you and even your foes have a soft spot for you.
Uh oh, Pisces. You're entering your villain era, aren't you? I heard you screaming Misery Business at the top of your lungs. Well, the stars heard you and then told me. I bet you'd eat mint chocolate chip ice cream and not care what anyone thinks right now. Good for you, live your truth.
Leo, I have some bad news for you. You need to apply more sunscreen when you go to tan because you look exactly like Neapolitan ice cream right now and it is NOT a good look. When you head out on your vacation, bring extra sunscreen. You'll need it. Trust me.
Dear Virgo, stop listening to those little birdies whispering in your ear. Have a talk with an angry goat instead. It may bleat angrily at you, but it will give you straight facts and not twisted truths. I bet Aberforth Dumbledore knows a goat you can talk to. Have some of his firewhiskey ice cream while you speak to him about the goat, it'll get you fired up and ready to face the truth.
Libra, have a great vacation! Don't take use your fireplace to Floo though, I'm pretty sure there's some creature living in there. Also, for the love of Merlin address the reoccurring problem you've been ignoring, it's not just going to go away. It'll stick around like the messy residue of melted ice cream.
I know you want that promotion, Scorpio, but you won't get it if you keep telling your boss they look like Myron Wagtail. It's not as much of a compliment as you think it is, not to them at least. I've heard Myron liked strawberry and peanut butter ice cream, perhaps you can give some to your boss and that will go over a bit better. Good luck, you're going to need it.
Sagittarius, your attempts at communicating with your long lost best friend are... not working. Sit down, have some eggnog ice cream, contemplate the reason you're trying to talk to this person. Really consider if it's worth it. Stay true to yourself, don't blindly follow your heart. Is this logically worth it? If yes, continue. If no, eat some more ice cream and move on.
You need to eat more fruit, Capricorn. No, strawberry ice cream does not count. You need to take care of your body. Good things are coming to you this month, be sure to be in the best mental and physical state you've been all year. Also ask that cute person out, nothing is going to happen if you just let that chance pass you by.
Aquarius, you will have a very interesting time this month. It may or may not end up as wonderful and disastrous as that time you snuck into a Common Room party in your 5th year. Also drinking melted ice lollies out of the plastic bag isn't as funny as you think it is. Maybe find something else to be your "comedy" act this summer.
Relax, Cancer. It isn't your job to keep the world spinning, you just need to give it a little slap from time to time. Enjoy the summer, taking time to relax and unwind isn't a failure on your end, it's you caring for your own wellbeing. May I recommend a scoop or two of cherry chocolate ice cream? You'll be pleasantly surprised at how good it is.
It appears I can't get ice cream out my mind despite satisfying my cravings. Perhaps it's a sign I should order some more, I'll be back in a moment.
Right, enjoy the summer lovely readers! Try to stay cool with this unbearable heat. Remember to love yourselves, love those around you, and be kind to nature! I'll be back soon with more wisdom from the stars.
Nina