Mr Fashionista
By Tyler
It's Spring again!
And if you're anything like me, you HATE IT. I mean, don't get me wrong. I enjoy a warm day as much as the next person, but I also really enjoy winter. There's just something about layering on seven sweaters and shivering until you shatter teeth that just feels so right.
I digress. It's spring so let's get ON WITH THE FASHION.
I've developed a nifty tool. It's basically a stealth device crafted out of bread ties and hope. It hovers over many areas that see an influx of fashion-type looks. Mostly parks and subway stations. Anyway, it's observed some amazing trends I expect to see blossom in the approaching months.
Sneezing. That's right. A sneeze is the new watch. It's the perfect accessory. When you want to impress someone, leave your diamond rings and gold bracelets at home. A well formed sneeze will get you everywhere you need to go. And everyone's doing it nowadays!
Now, think back to your own sneeze. It's like a fingerprint, really. Everyone's is unique and different. You can be recognizable from it alone. But the real question is, is it with positive or negative connotations? Is your sneeze loud and boisterous or is it quiet and dainty? Does your sneeze say "I'm confident and a natural-born leader"?
Never fear. I'm here to help you.
The first thing you'll want to do is decide how you want your sneeze to define you. What do you want to sound like? Powerful? Make your sneeze sound powerful. Arrogant? Be loud and obnoxious with your sneezes. Sheepish? Be quiet. Baby sneezes. Remember, practice makes perfect and never be afraid to experiment with sounds and saliva distribution. Every time is a chance to stand out.
This brings us back to springtime. The excessive pollen is the perfect ammunition to get those sneeze guns loaded up! Find your style this spring! It's out there waiting for you!
Now that you've obtained this amazing advice, I urge you all to go out there and test it out! Before you know it, everyone will be sneezing too! And you'll have been the one to start the accessorizing revolution. I'm so proud of all of my fan(s).
Until next time,
Mr. Fashionista